Fitting In Like Jigsaw Pieces
by Andatariel.x
Summary: Left on his own at South Park Elementary Georgie Little Goth learns a lot of things about conformists and he finds out just how hard it is to be torn between two totally different groups. Gike. Lots of pairings. Mature subjects. Full summary inside.
1. Hold On To People, They're Slipping Away

**A/N;** So I'm writing /another/ new fic, yeah, sue me. I am working on the second chapter of Strange Things, I just ran out of steam when the plot was teef'd for an RP. This however just came to me like magic last night, so far I have the first four chapters finished and if all goes to plan I'll post them one a week which gives me time to stay ahead of myself when it comes to writing the rest.  
The first chapter is a little short, about the size of a one-shot. Oh and I'm putting a longer summary in here as all the warnings and pairing wouldn't fit in the summary box.

**The Goth Kids; **I had to name them for the sake of the fic so names are as follows - Tall Goth = Evan, Red Goth = Dylan and Little Goth = Georgie.

**Pairings you can expect to see; **Little x Ike, Tall x Red, Creek, hints of Style, McCormickcest (Kenny/Kevin), hints of Tophlovski, Gregory x Christophe, hints of Little x Ruby Tucker.

**Warnings; **Homosexual pairings, drug use, underage drinking, hints of self-harm, hints of domestic abuse, swearing, heavily implied (but never explicitly described) incest (between two of the McCormicks xD).

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**Hold On To People, They're Slipping Away.**

_All that we needed was right,__  
A threshold is breaking tonight  
Open to everything happy and sad _

I suppose I should start this with a small introduction. I guess we can start with the fact that 'small' it what I am. I always have been pretty short, apparently drinking coffee and smoking stunts your growth and I started both of those things too young.

My life started when I was born, like everyone else's, but this, whatever you want to call it started way back in kindergarten. I was a weird kid, a really weird kid, but there were three people in the world that didn't care that I was always quiet or sad. I was four years old.

They were all in Elementary, but that was okay, it was South Park, a tiny mountain town, we were in the same compound. They dressed me all in black and taught me how to be a goth. I started skipping classes as soon as I was old enough to get away with it without there being a school-wide search because that's what they did.

Of course the problem with being friends with people who are between four and six years older than you is that they can only be made to repeat grades and stuff a certain number of times and even then I was only eleven and facing three years of school on my own when the last of them finally left South Park Elementary.

I guess it got really bad then, I skipped more classes than ever, I hated everybody because they were too conformist, they fit into the average, a stereotype, they were exactly what I'd grown up hating and I hated every single last one of them without ever really knowing who they were.

I spent those years sat on my own behind the school or in the park my friends would escape highschool to go to but I found myself slipping away from them, feeling distant because this wasn't what I was used to and because they were growing up and maturing and leaving me behind.

Those three years were quite honestly the shittest of my entire life. I barely graduated Elementary, I was even nearly held back and made to repeat a year because my attendance was so low they didn't think I'd survive the next year, but somehow I just about slipped through to my last year. It was that year I first met my first non-goth friend.

School had pretty much given up on the pair of us at this point, both of us had regular sessions with Mr. Mackey, the guidance councillor, but we'd never spoken the few times we passed outside the office. She had flipped me off a few times but if there was one thing I'd heard about Ruby Tucker it was that she did that to everybody. Even the teachers.

So what did South Park Elementary do with a pair of children they just wanted to hurry through the system as quickly as they could and be done with us? Well, they sat both of us in the very back corner of the classroom in the hope that we'd quietly ignore the lesson and not be too disruptive.

"I thought you were in the year above?" was the first thing I said to her when she threw her bag across the back of her chair and sat herself on the desk with her back to the teacher.

She flipped me of, "Yeah, was, past tense, Emokid."

I pulled a face at her, I was not an Emo and passionately hated being referred to as such. "Conformist." I spat back.

Before she had time to retort with more than just flipping me off again the teacher cut in with "Ruby Tucker you will sit on your seat facing the front like the rest of the class or it's off to the Guidance Office for you, young lady."

Ruby stood up on her chair, climbed onto the desk and stood proudly displaying both of her middle fingers and I sat looking up in awe because somewhere, secretly, I had a tiny flickering of respect for her for really sticking it to the man.

"Mr. Mackeys. Now!" Mr. Garrison looked about ready to blow a gasket.

"Later, Sir," Ruby said hopping off the desk and skipping out of the classroom. I didn't see her for the rest of the class, or the next class, or lunch...

I didn't see her again until the end of the day in fact, when we were being let out of school. My house was a ten minute walk from the school, hers was half an hour and she was meant to get on the bus but instead of heading for the main gate she was walking to the side one a few paces in ahead of me.

I was just going to ignore her and carry on walking but she stopped in the middle of the path as soon as we were out of school grounds to root in her bag and the reason she'd opted to walk became clear as she pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her bag and put one in her mouth.

She had huge headphones on and when I got close enough I could hear she was listening to a song that Henrietta liked. "Shit," she muttered still searching her bag.

I walked over and tapped her shoulder, having already lit my own cigarette.

She turned quickly and flipped me off before pulling the headphones off her head, "What?"

"Light," I told her flicking my lighter on and holding it out to her.

She smiled appreciatively and leant over carefully lighting her cigarette on it, "Thanks, dude."

"What you did today…" I started, not sure why I was telling her, it wasn't like I was interested in making friends with a conformist.

"Hn?" Ruby tipped her head, bright orange hair falling around her face as she did and I realised that it couldn't be that colour naturally but hadn't everybody used to say that her brother dyed his hair anyway? Maybe she did too. It wasn't an ordinary colour and that was for sure.

"…It was pretty awesome." I told her and we both began to walk towards our homes together, nothing much was really said but it was nice to have somebody there again.

Ruby was pretty much my only school friend after that, we hung out sometimes after school ended, just sitting in the park smoking and chatting about whatever the hell was on our minds that day, small talk, chit chat, nothing big or major but hell we were thirteen and fourteen and too concerned with our own problems to give a damn about each others, so we'd just chill and enjoy the feeling of actually having somebody to forget the rest of the world with.

Eventually summer hit and that was the end of it, goodbye South Park Elementary full of shitty memories and hello Park County High, waiting there for us to make new memories, or maybe just go back to old ways, after all that was where all my old friends were waiting for me.

Only that wasn't quite how it went…

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A/N; Hope you liked it, and just for reference once the whole thing is written up I'll be uploading a fanmix of all the tracks used for chapters and one of all the tracks they listen to so I'll link people when it's done if you're interested.


	2. I Won't Beg Your Pardon

**A/N:** This is earlier than expected as I managed to write more than I thought I would and am still enough chapters ahead and inspired enough to feel comfortable with posting this now. Further updates may not be _as _frequent as I'm trying this thing where I write way ahead of myself so that nothing ends up waiting so damn long for an update as some of my older fics. Further chapters will be longer than these two.

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**I Won't Beg Your Pardon**

_Spread on a blanket,_  
_The angels wasting their tears,_  
_When your wet face turns to cheer._

Summer was a weird time for me, after a lot of messing around Dylan and Evan had finally got it together, Henrietta had a job and none of them were around as much as I'd expected, at least not if I wanted to feel like the third wheel who wasn't really a part of what began to feel like 'The Evan and Dylan Make-Out a Lot Show'

It was a blinding hot day and we were sat on the park under a black umbrella Dylan had brought with him, Dylan was lying down with his head in Evans lap and honestly I could tell they thought they were the only two people in the whole world. I guess maybe, just maybe I was a tiny bit jealous of that, I told myself a hell of a lot that it wasn't because I wanted someone but because they were meant to be my friends and I didn't like being ignored, but this tiny niggling voice in the back of my head told me otherwise. I didn't want either of them, don't get me wrong, and I was happy for them, believe it or not, but I guess I wanted to mean the world to somebody too.

"I'm going for a walk," I told them both standing up and fluffing my hair as if that would make them see me.

Evan shrugged and Dylan half nodded and I hadn't even gotten two paces before the snogging started. I swore to myself I didn't care and I didn't feel totally neglected and I wasn't upset that they were supposed to be my friends but they didn't give a fuck so I walked across the grass and the dirt track kicking pebbles and dirt up with the toe of my all black converse and fighting the tears that were prickling at my eyes. It was the heat and sunglare, I wasn't crying, I honestly wasn't.

Eventually getting bored of the stares from the people in their shorts and t-shirts, eating their ice creams and enjoying the sun I headed towards the shade of the oak trees that wouldn't be green for too long knowing South Park.

I was pretty much alone for most of the walk and quite content to look at the way the sun shone through the leaves and listen to the little brook that babbled through the trees and that was okay, because it was peaceful and there was no family yelling and no watching Evan and Dylan suck face, no Henrietta to complain about Evan and Dylan sucking face and nothing to bother me except that my eyes were still streaming. I have allergies though, okay? I wasn't crying.

I was pretty far in when I heard music from between the trees, it was low and acoustic, pretty but not the kind of thing I'd ever listen to by choice and not my kind of lyrics, 'it's a wonderful life'? Yeah, sure. Hardly.

I looked around into a clearing and saw a girl laid out on a light blue blanket, her orange hair shining brightly in the sunlight of the clearing, a pair of large sunglasses obscuring her face, a book laying open beside her. Her teal vest top had ridden up, exposing her pale stomach, the frills of her panties just showing above the dark denim shorts she had on, ballet pumps chucked carelessly to one side of the blanket.

I stepped out of the trees, I was sure she was sleeping and I had every intention of walking past without disturbing her. The floor had other ideas and a twig snapped loudly under my foot.

Ruby sat up, startled, pulling her shades off to see me properly. "Georgie!"

I hastily wiped my face watching as smears of eyeliner came off on my hands, "What're you doing?" I asked trying to distract her from the fact I looked like shit.

"Chilling," She replied pushing her hair back out of her face with her sunglasses and propping them on her head then looking up at me, "Getting away from stuff, y'know?" She patted the empty spot on the blanket beside herself.

I sighed and sat down, "Yeah… I know."

"So," Ruby said after a pause, then she reached out and wiped some of the dampness from my face, "What's wrong?"

"Allergies," I replied quickly because it was, it was allergies, it was the sun, it was my eyes deciding to hate me, it was anything but tears.

"Uh-huh," She said with a small smile, "Well… what're you escaping?"

"Huh?" I asked leaning back on my arms and stretching my legs out, she looked too picturesque, too pretty and it felt like I was intruding, the black blob you accidentally drop on your oil painting, the one that ruins the whole picture.

"People don't normally come this way unless they're leaving something behind," Ruby explained with a shrug.

"I wanted to be alone," I replied with a shrug of my own, acting as if nothing was wrong, nothing mattered.

"Sorry for ruining that for you," Ruby teased with a small smile as she flipped me off.

"No worries," I told her with a small laugh, an unfamiliar sound back then, Goths did not laugh at anything. Except conformists. "So why are you here?"

Ruby looked down as if wishing she hadn't implied that she was hiding from something too, then she took a deep breath, "My dad and my brother were yelling at each other as usual because Craig doesn't have a summer job, dad said he's a sponge and Craig says he can't get work because he has a bad reputation,"

I didn't know what to say to that, I was used to peoples problems being all about themselves, not about being sad that other people were fighting, unless it was like Evans parents and had a direct impact on the person who was upset. "Oh."

"It's kinda shitty at home," Ruby said with a small shrug before putting her shades back on and lying back down, "You're welcome to be alone with me if you want to,"

So I lay back next to her and closed my eyes listening to the song playing through her iPod speakers repeat itself a few times.

I don't remember when we fell asleep but I do remember waking up because it was getting chilly and I do remember her nervous little laugh when we woke and realised we'd been there for a few hours and it was getting late. I helped her stuff the blanket into her bag and I leant her my hoodie to keep her warm and we walked hand in hand back to the park.


	3. I'm Sleeping But You're Still Awake

**A/N: **Sooo this chapter is where I really start to kick off the main plot and it's around twice as long as the other chapters. Just in case you skipped the previous warnings I'll just give you the main ones for this chapter; Slash (Yaoi. Boy on boy), drug use and underage drinking.

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**I'm Sleeping But You're Still Awake**

_When dawn breaks, see it in your eyes_  
_This seems fake, superheroes disguised_

The day after that was blindingly hot again but I spent the first half of it waiting for a call that never came, Evan and Dylan had either totally forgotten about me or deliberately didn't want me to be there. Fuckers.

I then wasted the next hour refusing lunch and moping around my room in a big band t-shirt, black cut-off skinny jeans with my bandana tied around my head so my fringe didn't get gross and minimal eyeliner, because it wasn't like I had anybody to impress anyway.

The last thing I expected was for my mom to yell up the stairs "George there's a girl at the door for you!" I think from the tone she used it had been the last thing she'd expected too.

I went down the stairs with a frown on my face only to see Ruby standing in the hallway in a short light green dress and wedge-heeled shoes, her hair was all fluffed up and she had a bow clipped in it.

"Oh… hi," I said with an awkward wave. Once again she looked great and I looked shitty and all I could think was 'how does this always happen?'

"The McCormicks are having a small get together and I'm allowed to bring a guest," Ruby explained but from the way her eyes flicked to my mum I knew what she meant was that there was an open-invitation house party going on and she wanted me to come with her.

I wasn't used to parties, I'd never been to one where I didn't sit outside with the other Goths smoking loads and hating everyone inside for having a good time at something that was oh so conformist. "I'm all icky…" was the only excuse I could come up with.

"Shut up!" She flipped me off and then looked at my mom who was actually used to that kind of behaviour anyway, "You're adorable, don't even go there, come with me, pleeeeease?" Ruby batted her eyelashes and pouted at me in a jokey way.

"Give me two minutes," I told her before turning and running back to my room. I grabbed my stuff like my phone and wallet, sprayed myself with more deodorant and then quickly reapplied my eyeliner.

"You're really going out?" My mother asked when I reached the bottom of the stairs and was pulling on my converse.

"Uh-huh," I said tucking my laces into my shoes. I still looked silly and slobby and different to my normal look but Ruby didn't seem to think to.

"You look good like that, y'know." She commented as we left my beaming mother waving from the door and headed down the garden path towards a slightly battered blue car.

"Told you it wasn't a wasted detour!" Ruby said triumphantly climbing into the backseat and giving me a flash of her pink underwear on the way.

I climbed in and looked at the two people in the front. I almost didn't recognise Craig without his trademark hat but I knew instantly who the other guy was, you could spot Tweek Tweaks untameable blonde hair from a mile off.

"Well what d'ya know!" Craig commented starting the engine and turning on the stereo. Some song I didn't recognize but that I was sure would be classed as indie-dance came on and Craig started the car.

"We're dropping in at KFC first," Craig explained as he set off and Tweek let out a small noise at the speed Craig had started building to.

We went through the drive in at KFC and both Tuckers ordered full meals, Tweek didn't get anything and I ordered just fries because I'm a vegetarian. Craig left the engine on in the parking lot and he seemed to have put the song on repeat. I'd later discover that both siblings had that trait of liking one song and putting it on repeat but I didn't mind, it wasn't my thing but it wasn't too bad either.

Tweek went into some kind of ramble about not trusting fast food and horror stories about lizards or something every time Craig offered him food and I stayed silent, eating my fries. Ruby had no inhibitions about talking over her older brothers boyfriend though.

"Craig, seriously, I've heard Klaxons like constantly for the past three hours, really?" Ruby asked leaning into the front seat and trying to get to the blue iPod that was plugged into the stereo.

"Magick is a tune, get off!" Craig said whilst simultaneously slapping her away from his iPod and flipping her off.

Once we'd done eating Ruby threw her wrappers into the footwell and so did Craig so I followed suit as we set off towards the dodgy area of town where the McCormicks lived. Craig grabbed a crate of beer out of the boot when we arrived and I suddenly felt bad for not having brought anything but Ruby was empty handed too.

The front door was propped open and we all walked straight in, I felt like I was intruding because normally I knocked but nobody else seemed to care so I went with it. I recognized the song playing as we walked out into the backyard, I didn't know who it was by but I knew from the lyrics and things I'd heard people say that it was called 'Drop It Like It's Hot'

Everyone outside seemed to be drinking or dancing so Ruby grabbed my hand and dragged me over to the McCormicks. I didn't know Kevin at all and at first didn't realise who Kenny was because he wasn't wearing his trademark orange parka, instead he had an orange t-shirt on, I did know Karen though, she'd been in the year above me like Ruby had been.

"Ruby!" Karen exclaimed walking over unsteadily. She had a green top and a short skirt on and a bottle of some blue stuff in her hand. She looked at me for a few moments and then recognition hit "You're that Goth kid!"

I nodded uncomfortably, I felt like I was out of my depth already and I didn't even have my usual friends or look to hide behind.

"You look cute!" Karen said ruffling my hair, a habit I'd later learn she picked up from her eldest brother.

"Isn't he just!" Ruby said saving me from trying to tell Karen in the nicest way possible that if she touched my hair again I'd rip her hand off. Ruby then stepped forward and hugged the girl.

"Let me get you some drinks!" Karen said when the hug broke and she wobbled off to wherever the drinks were leaving me and Ruby standing with Craig and the McCormick brothers, apparently Tweek had spotted Token and gone to say hi.

"Where're the rest of the Goths?" Kenny was slurring already and it wasn't even that late in the afternoon.

"Not a clue," I replied honestly, I didn't really care either; it felt weird to have a conformist caring about me more than they had.

This time it was Karen who saved me by thrusting a drink into my hands and then looking around at Ruby as the song changed "Oh my God! Beyonce! You have to dance with me!" She cried grabbing Ruby's hands,

"Can you look after my bag?" Ruby asked me, to which I agreed and then she went with Karen into the space where people were dancing and once again I was all alone.

After a few moments of standing around awkwardly I heard a yell of "Where my homies at!" Followed by Stan Marsh falling very drunkenly into the back yard and over to where Kenny was stood just a little away from me.

"Stan you aren't ghetto," Kyle Broflovski sighed emerging after him with a kid from my year in tow.

"Stan my man!" Kenny said brightly embracing the taller boy and then laughing, "That rhymes!"

Kyle facepalmed, obviously far more sober than his friends, Kenny must have picked up on this too because the next thing he did was throw his arm around Kyle exclaiming "Kyle you are not drunk enough!" and dragging the poor boy towards the drinks table before he had time to protest.

Stan followed after them leaving the dark-haired boy standing by himself. "Take your brother with you bubbie, he needs to go out more," the kid muttered glaring darkly at his brother who was being force-fed a beer.

"Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," I informed him dryly.

"Dressing like you is the first sign of depression in teens," The boy shot back and I glared at him sensing that he knew it wasn't true as well as I did.

"I'm Ike," He finally said offering me his hand.

"Georgie," I replied as the song changed and I really hoped Ruby would come back before I had to shake his hand but no such luck as the next song started with something about fucking Jefree Starr in the ass and there was a mutual squeal of appreciation from both Ruby and Karen.

I shook the offered hand and resisted the urge to wipe my hand.

Eventually the song ended and Ruby came over to give us both more to drink and give me a hug. I don't know what she'd done during the song but her pupils were enormous.

The song Craig had been playing in the car came on, probably at his request and Ruby rolled her eyes at me, "Can I have my glasses babe?"

I'd never been called babe in my life and Ike was looking at me like 'How did you pull her?' I had a kind of lead weight in my stomach and wanted to tell him she wasn't my girlfriend but that would just look rude so instead I pulled the sunglasses from her bag and handed them to her.

"Thank you sweetie!" Ruby said kissing my cheek and leaving a sticky patch from her lipgloss that I wanted to wipe away and would have if I hadn't been trying not to be rude to the one person who'd given me attention when nobody else cared.

With that she headed back to the dance floor and me and Ike were left drinking in silence. Until he piped up "Is that your girlfriend?"

I thought about it for a while and then decided on the diplomatic answer "She's a girl and a friend but we're not…"

"Oh…" Ike almost seemed relieved and I was torn between being thankful that he hadn't asked more and being annoyed in case he thought she could do better.

We ended up sitting down on the steps to the decking, just out of everyone's way and we stayed quiet again after that until Kevin and a boy I didn't know came over. They had a bag of white powder and were taking it in turns to dip their fingers in and rub it on their gums.

"'Ey Ike, want some?" The person I didn't know asked in a French accent.

"Yeah go on," Ike said licking his finger and then doing what the other two had done.

"'Ow about your friend?" The boy asked.

I wasn't sure what it was or if I even wanted to know but Ike was younger than me, him being just thirteen whilst I was almost fourteen and he'd done it. I wasn't sure when I'd started wanting to do things because others had, or impress conformists but I had a funny feeling that I really only cared what Ike would think if I said no, only because he was at my school, I didn't fancy him. At all.

"Yeah," I said in a bolder tone than how I'd felt. I copied what they and Ike had done, the stuff tasted rank and I think it showed in the face I pulled and the way I had to wash it down with my drink.

"Never done MD?" Kevin asked with a chuckle.

I shook my head and drank more trying to rid myself of the gross taste. The other three were laughing but not in a malicious way.

"Hey Christophe, don't tell Kyle, yeah?" Ike said looking serious all of a sudden.

"Why would I? Kyle eez a beetch." Christophe shrugged and held the bag out for us to take more.

I didn't react quite as badly this time because I knew how gross it would be but I didn't expect the hit to be quite as hard as it was. I suddenly felt incredibly happy. Stupidly so. Like I was flying or something and everything was brighter.

"Kevin I need more drugs!" Karen announced sitting herself on Christophe's lap, where he put his arms around her causing her to smile. Ruby came over moments later and sat down next to me as Kevin pulled more bags of powder out of his pockets and handed one to his sister.

"Thank you," Karen said brightly shoving herself off Christophe and grabbing Ruby. "You two should dance too!" She told me and Ike and the next thing I knew Ike had been given some of the drugs too and we were being pulled to the dance floor by the girls.

For once I didn't care, I'd danced before but the Goth dance was a kind of staying in one place swaying dance and normally never in front of this many people, I heard Ruby say something about "MSI!" or something and grab both my hands forcing me to dance with her. What's more I enjoyed it, I couldn't stop laughing, whatever the hell the powder had done felt awesome.

I don't remember that much more of the night, I know I danced a lot and at some point when Karen was showing me to the bathroom we walked past her brothers making out and I was fairly sure that brothers aren't meant to do that but Karen just rolled her eyes like it was nothing uncommon and waited for me to pee, which I nearly couldn't and then she needed to pee, but couldn't and then we both sat at the top of the stairs laughing about it until we were disturbed by Bebe and Clyde trying to get a room and Karen laughingly sending them to her parents room. "Just in case my brothers are fucking, there's no lock." It was only days later when I was sober it occurred to me that she might mean they were fucking each other, but at the time I didn't give a flying shit.

I didn't even care when we walked past Christophe banging some red head against a wall in plain view of anyone, all I could think about was finding Ike and Ruby and maybe getting a drink because my mouth was all dry.

"You should ring your mom," Ruby yelled to me over the music as we filled glasses with slightly murky looking tapwater and shrugged and drunk them anyway.

"I wanna dance, I need to dance!" Karen complained leaning on Ruby and giggling.

"I'll come… go with Gee, Ruby go dance with her," Ike said gesturing at Karen and Ruby flipped him off but did as she was told as some dance tune or other came on.

Ike took my hand and led me outside and it wasn't like holding Rubys hand, that had been nice, but this… it was sending tingles up my arm and I didn't care if it was the drugs or not because it felt awesome.

My mum was fine with me staying over at the party, I don't think she'd got that it wasn't as innocent as we claimed but it was cool.

"She cool?" Ike asked as the light from the house lit his face making him look ghostly pale but really good nonetheless.

I nodded and then I don't know why I asked, I don't know if I thought about it or not but the words came out of my mouth as soon as I opened it to saying something else, "Can I kiss you?"

Ike didn't reply, just pressed his lips to mine and it was better than holding his hand or anything else ever, though I still don't think I've ever told him I'd honestly never been kissed before.


	4. This Taste That I Have In My Heart

**This Taste That I Have In My Heart**

_I will be calm, calm, calm,  
In the grass._

_In the grass,  
In your arms._

I don't remember anything between the point where I stood outside and kissed Ike and the point where I woke up in the bath on my own the next morning. I was freezing cold and aching all over and Karen was passed out on the floor next to the toilet. I like to assume I'd been there because I'd been looking after her though I could be wrong.

Eventually after sitting in the bath in the cold light of morning and wondering how I'd gone from having two full twenty packs of cigs to only one lone cigarette in a packet that wasn't even my brand whilst I smoked the aforementioned last cigarette and hoped to God Karen was still breathing because I didn't have the energy to stand up and check.

I could hear the muted strains of Joy Division downstairs and wondered who had the good taste to put them on. I later discovered that it had been Kenny but got distracted and never ended up with a chance to say I liked his taste in music.

Eventually I realised that people probably needed the bathroom and maybe I should wake Karen too so I climbed out of the bath and gently nudged Karen awake.

"We should get out of here," I told her and she nodded sleepily and got up.

"I need more sleep but I think my brothers are in the kitchen, it's at the back of the house" she told me as we emerged in the landing and she headed to her room instead of the stairs.

I headed down the creaky stairs and through the hall with it's old peeling wallpaper, to the kitchen, which was where Karen had said and I walked in to find Kenny lying on the mucky floor with a damp cloth over his eyes and forehead, Ike slumped over the kitchen table and Kevin and Christophe stood by the kettle. Tweek was also sat at the table patting Craig's back as he leant over a bucket that was placed between his knees.

"I feel like I've eaten cotton wool all night…" Kevin complained letting his head fall onto Christophe's shoulder.

Christophe let out a low chuckle and lightly shoved his friend to get off him, "We all feel like sheet, trust me."

Craig groaned in agreement and Tweek sighed, still rubbing the other boys back, "Some more than others," The blonde added with another sigh as Craig dry heaved over the bucket.

It was Ike who noticed me first and held out a hand for me to come and join him, "How're you feeling?" He asked as I walked over, took the offered hand and let myself be dragged onto his lap.

"Shitty and dehydrated," I whined letting my head fall forwards onto the table with a solid thud.

I heard another of Christophe's chuckles and then something being poured into a glass. "'Ere drink this," Kevin said placing a glass of iced water on the table in front of me.

"It's not spiked?" I asked cautiously picking it up and sniffing it just in case it was this mythical 'hair of the dog' I'd heard Dylan and Evan talk about, the last thing I wanted was a glass of straight vodka even if it was supposed to be a magic cure for a hangover.

"I ain't stoopid, it's water," Kevin replied in an amused tone before going back to the kettle and flopping over Christophe, much to the French mans distain.

"You are stupid though, Kev," Kenny said from the floor, pulling the cloth up to peer at his brother.

"Who smacked their damn 'ead off o' the wall Ken?" Kevin shot back after a few seconds and Kenny groaned and put his cloth back.

"But Keviiiiiiiin, I feel awful and it's your fault," the boy whined pouting his bottom lip out.

"I don't wanna 'ear zis," Christophe said with a look of disgust and I had a feeling I knew what Kenny had done to his head but I couldn't have agreed with Christophe more, I didn't want to know either.

Kevin laughed as the kettle finally boiled and he poured the water into four cups and placed a coffee in front of Tweek and a cup of tea near me and Ike. We were, mercifully, saved from hearing more by Stan and Kyle coming into the kitchen both looking very worse for the wear.

"Karen kicked us out of her bed because she wanted it," Stan said sitting himself down on the floor next to Kenny and reaching out to rub the blondes tummy. Kenny practically purred and moved his hands out of the way.

Kyle grabbed a chair next to me and Ike, "'Tophe get me a drink?"

"Non, get your own," Christophe replied sitting himself on the work surface.

I pushed my glass towards Kyle only to have it pushed back, "You'll need that, you were trashed," He told me getting up to get his own drink.

I let out a low annoyed moan and took another sip, I felt parched but drinking was so unappealing it might as well have been a glass of piss not water.

"When did you see us?" Ike asked his older brother cautiously, he'd tensed the moment he realised Kyle had seen the state I was in and I could guess from what I'd seen that Kyle hadn't a clue his brother had taken drugs, or at least that's what Ike wanted to be the case.

"When you both could barely stand up and were taking Karen to the bathroom," Kyle replied with a shrug.

I felt my human chair relax again and then slide his arms around my waist. It was my turn to tense, I wasn't used to that kind of contact, and I stayed that way until Ike let go again, dropping his arms to his sides in a defeated manner. I didn't mean to be a dick but I'd given him my first kiss whilst shit-wrecked and now I was sober I realised I barely even knew the boy. I felt like a bit of an idiot.

I slid myself off his lap into the chair next to him and steadily sipped my water as Kyle sat back down and Ike turned to engage his brother in a conversation about getting home eventually and what plans for the day were. I could almost feel him deliberately ignoring me and that made me feel even shittier. I almost smiled at the irony as the opening bars of 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' started to play.

Christophe and Kevin were both sat on the counter smacking each other and calling each other gay like a pair of children. Kenny was still getting his tummy rubbed. Craig was still occasionally heaving and suddenly I felt so out of place in what seemed like a totally normal situation for them.

My saviour once again was Ruby who entered the kitchen and got wolf-whistled by Christophe. It was pretty obviously sarcastic because her hair was sticking out every-which-way and her make up was smeared, but he still earned himself the finger from both her and her brother.

"Shut up, Chrissy," Ruby said with a roll of her eyes and earned herself a gentle clip around the head from the French man. She glared at him for a moment then held out her arms for a hug, which she was granted.

"That's my little sister!" Craig protested weakly as his stomach finally gave way.

"Wow, gross I think I can see your KFC," Ruby commented dryly as she wriggled away from Christophe and helped herself to a cup of coffee.

"I didn't even drink that many drinks!" Craig whined as Tweek petted his hair.

Kevin looked around at Christophe who had a wicked twinkle in his eyes. Christophe grinned at Kevin and raised his eyebrows.

"You spiked me!" Craig said after watching the exchange. At the same time Tweek screeched; "I told you somebody would have spiked it and you didn't listen!"

"Eet was only vodka," Christophe replied with an evil smirk on his face.

"I don't understand you," Craig said glaring at him, "Je suis baguette?"

Christophe picked a damp cloth up and chucked it at Craig, it hit him and then fell right into the bucket of barf. "You did zat to me all night every time I spoke, you deserved eet!"

Kevin laughed and hi-fived the man beside him, then he got a thoughtful look on his face for a while and eventually asked "Is that why I feel so much worse than I expected?"

Christophe laughed and Kevin punched him on the arm. "I was worse to Craig," Christophe said with a huge false smile.

"I s'pose," Kevin said after a few minutes just as Craig threw up again and missed the bucket completely.

Everybody went quiet and looked disgusted for a few minutes, until Kenny piped up with "That stinks can we go in the garden?"

I grabbed Ike's arm as everyone headed out the back door, he turned and gave me a look that bordered on frosty even though he was smiling.

"Look…" I began, staring down at my shoes, "I didn't mean to be weird this morning…"

"It's cool man," Ike said cutting me off abruptly. It didn't look like he was very cool with it to me.

"I've never done that before," I tried to explain but he was already heading for the door. "Ike! Damn it, I like you, okay? I've just never been with anyone like that before…"

Ike turned around to study me, "Not ever?"

"Well I've kissed people," I lied, "But not people I'd only just met, it was just different I suppose but that doesn't mean I don't like you!"

Ike thought about it for a few minutes then smiled convincingly this time, "So you wanna get to know each other?"

I nodded smiling back a little timidly.

Ike let his smile turn to a grin before extending his hand. I let him lead me outside. It was sunny again and too bright, the brightness only made my headache worse and I realised how grimy the McCormick's windows must be for it to be so much darker inside the house.

Everybody ended up sat on the grass and I lay back into the grass, resting my head on Ike's lap. I hated to admit it, even to myself, but once again I was genuinely happy and there were no chemicals this time, just people, who didn't give a shit about how you dressed, what music you liked or whatever, as long as you were a good person and maybe, just maybe that was what I had been searching for all this time.

I could have stayed there all day, and so that's what we did.


	5. You’re More Than In My Head

**You're More Than In My Head**

_You so believe your own lies,_  
_On my skin your fingers,_  
_Runaway until the last time,_  
_We're gonna lose forever._

The sun continued all week, by Saturday the weatherman was claiming that South Park was having a heatwave. It was true, I supposed as I lay under the shade of the front porch half-listening to the TV through the open living room window over my iPod, which was lying next to me playing City Noise by Scarling.

I'd spent the last few days with either Ruby or Ike, sometimes both and sometimes Karen too. We'd chilled in the park, swum in Starks Pond, not that it was strictly something you were really allowed to do, and tagged along with Kenny and Craig in Kenny's dads pick-up.

That had been yesterday, it had been the hottest day of the week and Kenny and Craig had decided that going for a drive would be the best way to cool down a bit, considering the telling off their younger siblings had gotten for fully dressed swimming. Craig had been driving because Kenny could but didn't have his licence, the four of us had tagged along and sat in the back of the truck with the breeze in our hair and Kenny had been sat in the front forcing us all to listen to Lady Gaga. Well more forcing me and Ike, nobody else had minded and maybe I hadn't as much when Kenny and Craig had sung along to Boys, Boys, Boys at the top of their lungs.

I wasn't sure what we were doing for the day but I'd gotten a text from Ike to say he was going to call over, hence the sitting on the porch thing.

"Hey, midget, coming to Dennys?" A familiar voice said from the garden fence.

I sat up and looked over to see Henrietta, Dylan and Evan leaning on my garden fence and wondered for a moment why they were there before it dawned on me that it was a Saturday and therefore Henrietta didn't have work.

"Oh…" I ran my hand through my fringe, I felt a mixture of stupid, annoyed and guilty all at once. Me and Ike had kept things cool, friendly, but there had been times where his hand had ended up in mine, or his arm had snaked around my waist or shoulders, even the occasional hug goodbye and it felt like cancelling on him would be a betrayal of what we were building together, though at the same time these were my friends, my best friends and what about 'bros before hos' and all of that? I'd heard Craig say it before when he'd been hanging with Kenny even when Tweek wasn't at work; it seemed like a code of friendship that shouldn't be broken.

"Well?" Dylan asked with an eyeroll as he took in my black cut-off jeans and t-shirt. Even in the blistering heat the other three Goths were still decked out in their usual clothing. I wasn't and it made me feel like a traitor.

"…I have plans," I replied weakly.

"Plans?" Henrietta asked raising a manicured eyebrow.

"Yeah…" I reached for my sleeves to pull them over my hands like I did when nervous before I remembered they weren't there.

"Like what?" Henrietta questioned folding her arms in a gesture that clearly asked what could be more important than spending the day with them.

"Am I interrupting?"

I looked to where the voice had come from to see Ike in a plain blue t-shirt and torn jeans, he looked as uncomfortable as I felt.

"What are you doing here, conformist?" Evan asked coldly.

Ike sent him a look of mingled confusion and annoyance. "I could ask the same of you," He replied in an equally icy tone and even through the heat I shivered.

"We're his friends," Dylan told him narrowing his eyes and for the first time I realised how tall Ike really was because he'd squared up against Dylan and was almost as tall.

"Friends that ditched him all week long?" Ike retorted glaring at Dylan and Evan, I noticed that Henrietta was left out of his contemptful look. Then again he knew from what I'd told him that she at least had a valid reason not to have talked to me much.

"What?" Evan snarled lowering his chin and looking down on Ike as if he was something unpleasant he'd found on his shoe.

"You heard," Ike replied in a level tone, not intimidated in the least, though I guess he had been brought up in the Broflovski house and Kyle's anger had a reputation of being just as terrifying as thier mothers.

"Who do you think you are?" Dylan snapped positioning himself in front of Evan and I knew it wasn't for Evans sake; more because Evan looked about ready to verbally tear a strip out of the younger boy.

"I'm his…" Ike gestured at me as he trailed off obviously unsure of what to refer to himself as.

"Like a possession? His what? His pet? His new toy?" Evan asked in a low tone that meant the only reason he was holding back was because Dylan was in his way, even if I knew he'd never lay a hand on Ike.

I stood up off the porch and strode down the garden before the discussion could get any nastier, "We have plans, like you had plans, all fucking week, ones that obviously didn't include me," The hurt of their abandonment was shining through in my voice and I knew it.

They knew it too, I could see Henrietta look at Dylan and Evan in shock, not that it showed through, nobody who didn't know her would know anything had gotten through her calm exterior. Dylan had guilt written all over his face and even Evan had deflated as I spoke.

"So if you don't like it when I make plans without you then maybe you shouldn't do it first." I said not caring, I was dimly aware even then that I wanted to hurt them, just a little, just enough to show them how they'd made me feel.

"We're sorry," Dylan said in a small voice, like he was trying to still sound tough but it was failing. The thing about Dylan is that _him _not bothering with me had hurt more than Evan not doing. Maybe it was because he was younger than the other two or something else, I don't know, but Dylan had always been like an older brother to me.

I shrugged, still too hurt to try and be mature about it, "We have to go now," I told the three of them. "I'll see you when one of you bothers to call,"

With that stinging parting gift I grabbed Ike by the hand and stalked off down the pavement leaving the other three to stand looking as Ike had later put it "decidedly shell-shocked" though I didn't know as I didn't once look back.

I'd let go of Ike's hand as we turned the corner and without thinking I broke into a run, I just wanted to get away, away from the confusion and hurt, away from everyone, maybe even away from myself.

Somehow I ended up at the old park. I feel I should explain this really; see South Park has two parks. One on the posh end of town where it was all nice and renovated, the one where I'd fallen asleep under the trees with Ruby and the other closer to the school, there was no fancy new play equipment there, just an old creaky roundabout, a slide that didn't look either sturdy or safe and a swing set with only two swings. This was where I'd first come with Ruby to smoke after school.

I sat down on one of the swings, ignoring the rust on my hands from holding the chains whilst I sat I pulled out my cigarettes and lit one. I'd only taken three pulls by the time Ike caught up with me. He was flushed and out of breath.

"What's wrong Kosher Boy, can't hack a little run?" I asked rather spitefully.

"Georgie what the fuck?" Ike asked looking as thought I'd just hit him, he stood at the edge of the square of "padded" ground by the swings staring at his scuffed trainers and I wanted to take my words and what I'd just done back but I couldn't.

"Sorry," I muttered feeling about an inch tall.

Ike looked up a sad and slightly pitying look on his face, "It's okay,"

"No it isn't…" I replied softly scuffing the toes of my shoes along the ground.

"Nah," Ike said with a shrug, sitting down on the swing next to me. "I know what it's like being younger and having everyone go off and do stuff without you, and I've seen what it's like when somebody gets a relationship and suddenly you don't exist."

I tried to reply but all that came out was a small choking noise and then Ike was back up off the swing and wrapping his arms around me. "It's okay," he murmured into my hair, "I know it hurts and it's okay for it to hurt…"

"S'not okay," I muttered letting go of the swing chains and balling my fists in the fabric of his shirt.

"Wrong word," Ike replied with a slight colouring of amusement in his voice, "It's natural, it's natural for that to hurt,"

I think I realised then that for all my bravado, the few months longer I'd been alive, all my "older friends", Ike was probably more mature than me and certainly more mature than I'd pegged him as. "I hate them sometimes," I sniffled hiding my face in his shoulder.

"I think everyone feels like that about the people they love most sometimes," Ike said in a soothing voice as he stroked my hair.

I didn't reply, instead I just sniffed and stayed right where I was in his arms.

"It's too hot," Ike said as I finally released my grasp on him.

"We should find some shade," I agreed with a nod and we set off walking towards Starks Pond. It would be busy there today but we weren't going to the actual pond, more the woods near the pond, they wouldn't be busy and the other park was a longer walk than getting to the pond.

We spent the rest of the afternoon up in the woods just walking about and talking, about nothing important really, except the parts where I told Ike how shitty I'd felt after the other Goths had left school and he told me about why he knew how I felt and why he'd seen somebody else feeling just how I felt. But mostly we just talked shit and messed around, pretty much like normal teenagers are expected too, how I'd never expected to find myself acting, and I didn't mind one bit.

Eventually we ended up sat down on some large flat rocks just outside of the trees and Ike's hand slid over to mine so I entwined our fingers and looked at him, he was looking at me just as he'd looked at me that night at Kenny's house and then his lips met mine.

I kissed him back as his arm snuck around my waist pulling me closer. I felt his tongue on my lip and instead of worrying or moving away I let it enter my mouth as we fell backwards onto the rock, my arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him down half on top of me. The kiss deepened and became more frantic as my fingernails scraped across the back of his shirt and his legs entwined with mine.

It was only when his fingers strayed too close to the button of my jeans that I realised what I was doing and pushed him off scrambling away. "I can't… Sorry… I… I can't…"

Ike had turned and was sat on the rocks looking at me with the same look he'd had earlier, the same look he'd gotten in the McCormick's kitchen when I stiffened and wouldn't let him hold me, like I may as well have slapped him. He didn't say anything.

I didn't know what to do or say, how to try and explain myself this time, I didn't even know how I felt other than that this was wrong, so, so wrong and suddenly it hit me that I felt like a drowning kid who'd swum out of his depths without a float, there was nothing to cling to and when I tried to form words I couldn't. Instead I turned and ran in the opposite direction as fast as I possibly could.


	6. Where Were You When I Was Lonesome?

**A/N: **Updates may start getting a little more sporadic over the next four weeks. I have all my portfolios done which is kinda what my passing my first year depends on so I can't actually do anything about this. Sorry.  
Thank you to my reviewers and people who fav'd or alerted this. I love you guys C:

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**Where Were You When I Was Lonesome?**

_I don't want to swim the ocean,_  
_I don't want to fight the tide,_  
_I don't want to swim forever,_  
_When it's cold I'd like to die…_

I'd run all the way home, never once bothering to see if Ike had followed me. I finally did when I hit the gate but if he'd even tried then he'd given up by now. I remembered how he'd looked after the run to the park and that was only seven minutes from my house walking. I doubted he'd have been able to run after me all the way from Starks Pond.

I was glad though, I didn't want him to have followed because I didn't want to face his anger when I had no reasonable explanation for what having pushed him away like he'd somehow harmed me.

I was so caught up in myself that I didn't see Dylan sitting on my porch until I fell over him.

"Even if you are angry and ignoring me I'm corporeal you'll have to go around me…" Dylan started out with his usual smart-assery then seeing the look on my face he reached out and helped me steady myself before studying me thoughtfully looking at my crinkled shirt and mussed up hair. "What happened?"

I couldn't help myself, I'd done it far too often this week, but I couldn't even answer, instead I started to cry and that's when Dylan pulled me forwards into his lap, cradling me in his arms and stroking my hair just like he always had when I was little.

He didn't need to tell me that he'd listen to me when I was ready to talk because I already knew so instead he let me cling to him, taking in the warm familiar smell of his heavy aftershave mixed with old cigarette smoke and something else that I could never pinpoint yet knew instinctively.

"Was it your… Ike?" He asked when my sobs subsided. I don't think he knew what to call Ike and I honestly couldn't tell him, friend? Boyfriend? Whatever he had been I was pretty sure that after I'd brushed him off again he probably wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore anyway.

I realised in the silence that Dylan had been listening to the iPod I'd left discarded on the porch that morning and it was playing one of my favourite songs, something calming and not my normal Goth music but nice and depressing nonetheless.

"I made out with him…" I eventually said leaning my head against Dylans shoulder and sniffing loudly.

"And that's a reason to run home crying?" Dylan asked with a small sigh, one that reminded me of the age-gap between us.

"I freaked out," I eventually supplied still not moving from his lap or looking up at him.

"And ran away," Dylan finished for me because really he knew me better than anyone else in the world and of course he was fully aware of what I did when anything scared me.

I nodded dumbly, sticking my thumb in my mouth, which wasn't something I'd done in front of anybody since I'd been four years old, except of course Dylan, who didn't care that it was a childish habit. "He tried to put his hand in my pants,"

Dylan stiffened and his arms tightened around me protectively, "Did he know you didn't want him to?"

"I did want him to…" I replied in a tiny voice, I didn't want to admit it but I had wanted him to, I'd been practically begging him to with everything but words.

"And you changed your mind at the last minute?" Dylan probed still not letting his hold loosen.

"…No."

Dylan sighed, "Then what on Earth is all this fuss for?"

I didn't know how to explain but then I thought well it was Dylan, I didn't need to try and make sense because whatever I said he'd try and understand no matter how little sense it made. "I wanted him to and I didn't like that I wanted him to," I explained, "Like have you ever thought that maybe the grown-ups are right that we do things too young? I don't know anyone who hasn't at least made out before and I hardly know anyone who hasn't had somebody's hands there and most of us are only fourteen but they've all done stuff and I never wanted to be just like everyone…"

Dylan was quiet until the song ended and he finally spoke again, "You shouldn't do anything until you want to do it,"

"I did want to though, and my mind was telling me that it was okay if I wanted to, everybody else had," I sighed.

"Hmm," Dylan began to fiddle with the hem of my t-shirt sleeve absentmindedly, "Okay rephrase; you shouldn't do anything until you're absolutely one-hundred percent sure it's what you want and it doesn't matter if everybody else has, that shouldn't be the only reassurance, you should be sure that you have a million other reasons to let yourself give in to your want and not just because they're hot, not just because your body is screaming for you to do it and not because everybody else did because you're you not everybody."

Dylan might sound nonsensicle to anybody else but I knew exactly what he was trying to say, it was the same thing I'd tried to say to Ike in the kitchen; I had to be sure, I had to know, without a shred of doubt that I was doing what was right for me, that I could fully trust him, that if I gave myself to him like that he wouldn't brush me aside once he'd gotten what he wanted, that even if every relationship has a chance of ending badly it wasn't going to all fly at me in the morning and make me feel like a cheap whore.

I nodded and stayed sat on his lap until the sun disappeared behind the clouds.

I sat up sweating and panting, fully dressed still and lying on my bed, my hand clutching a sleeping Dylans arm like it was the only safe thing in the world. My heart was beating loudly against my ribs as if it wanted to hammer it's way right out.

"Ouch, Jesus…" Dylan sleepily opened grey eyes and looked at me, I could tell he was letting his vision adjust because as soon as he saw my pale face and look of terror he sat up. "Night terrors," he said realising quicklier than I had about what I was freaking out for.

I licked my lips and looked at him nodding because I was unable to say anything.

"I didn't know you still had them," Dylan admitted and I tried to think of the last time we'd had a sleepover, even all four of us, but I couldn't actually remember.

"Only sometimes," I replied finally finding my voice.

"Do you want to stay awake for a bit?" Dylan asked propping himself against my pillows.

I crawled into his arms and sighed, "Probably best if I do."

"So," Dylan said after a silence that must have only been a few minutes but felt huge, "What is the deal with you and Ike?"

I started to explain about how they didn't call me, but Ruby had come over and the party and how I'd met Ike and we'd been together all night and eventually kissed but I left out the bit about the drugs, I didn't want Dylan to know because of some of the same reasons Ike wouldn't tell Kyle and then I told him about the morning after and my week.

"And then we made out today and you know the rest," I concluded with a sigh.

"I think you should talk to him," Dylan suggested after a long pause.

"Are you mad?" I demanded, "He probably hates me!"

Dylan rolled his eyes and I could see them reflect the moonlight that poured in through the partly open curtains. "He's probably just as confused and worried as you are and if he's anything like you said he'll understand, or at least he'll try."

I huffed and rolled onto my side, "I can sleep again now,"

"If you say so," Dylan chuckled curling up behind me with an arm slung over my waist.

"Does this mean you'd be okay with me dating a conformist?" I asked trying to sound humorous but failing a little.

"Shut up and go to sleep," was Dylans reply.


	7. What Did You Learn Tonight?

**A/N:** Uni deadlines. Going crazy. No spare time. Gonna die. That is all. (P.S. We're halfway through if I can stick to my chapter plans)

* * *

**What Did You Learn Tonight?**

_Who do you carry that torch for, my young man?  
Do you believe in anything?  
Do you carry it around just to burn things down?_

Talking to Ike was easier said than done, I wanted to I really did, but it was evening the next day I finally got up the courage to go over.

I was half expecting him not to answer when I rang from the end of his garden so I kept my eyes trained on his window. Even though the light was on he didn't answer and eventually I gave up and texted him.

I waited a few minutes and he finally came to the window and looked out before disappearing again, I thought he was ignoring me at first but just as I was about to give up and leave he opened the door.

"Normal people knock," Ike informed me shoving both his hands into his pockets.

"And face your mom?" I asked raising my eyebrows. I can honestly admit I'm still scared of Shiela Broflovski and I really don't think she approves of me.

"What do you want?" Ike asked with a sigh.

I scuffed the toe of my shoe on the sidewalk, "To apologise… again…"

Ike sighed again, "You better come in," He told me gesturing for me to follow him inside.

I tentatively entered the house listening out for any sign of other people but there wasn't any and Ike indicated that I should come upstairs so I followed him up. I'd never been in Ike's bedroom before and it wasn't like my room at all, nor was it like people expected from a typical teenage boy. The whole place was neat and tidy, the walls pale blue and poster free. There were books everywhere and I mean everywhere, on the shelves, on the desk, by the bed…

Ike sat down in the computer chair and looked at me expectantly, his computer was playing music, I kinda recognized the song, probably from the TV or a store or something because it wasn't the kind of thing I'd choose to listen to.

"I'm sorry about yesterday…" I began staring at my shoes, I looked so out of place in Ike's room, especially in contrast to him in his plain jumper, jeans and a polo shirt.

"Should have expected it," Ike shrugged nonchalantly.

"Why?" I asked a little tentatively, knowing I probably wouldn't like his answer.

"Because you blow hot and cold all the time," Ike replied and a look of hurt crept across his face, "Because half of the time I don't even know what we are, what you want, if I'm even allowed to so much as touch you,"

It stung, I must admit, but he was totally right, one minute I was a block of ice and the next all I wanted to do was reach out to him. "I don't mean to,"

"Why do you do it then?" Ike asked standing up again.

"Because…" I began not sure what to say, whether to lie, whether to tell him what I'd been trying to convince myself was the truth or whether to just be painfully honest and damn the consequence, "Because I'm scared."

"Of what?" He asked as the song changed to something low and acoustic, the kind of thing Ruby liked to listen to when she was upset. Ike walked over to where I was stood and he was just close enough that I could smell his deodorant.

"Of this," Painfully honest it was and I couldn't have denied that it was any less than terrifying. "Of us, whatever the hell we are or whatever we might be, of letting…" I trailed off as the words caught in my throat.

"Of letting what?" Ike asked again taking both of my hands in his, "Of letting me get close to you? Letting me touch you?" He pulled me forward and then I couldn't just smell his deodorant, I could smell the soap he used, his shampoo, whatever stuff his mom used in the laundry.

I stayed totally still and he moved closer until I could feel his breath on my cheek, "Letting anyone do anything physical to you?" He whispered kissing my cheek.

My heart was racing so fast I felt faint from it. "Of letting myself care about you,"

"Because you might get hurt?" He kissed my neck.

"Because I might fall in love with you," I slid my hands from his and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his shoulder. "Then I might get really hurt,"

Ike sighed and ran his hands through my hair, "If you never risk getting hurt how're you going to do any of the good things in life?"

"…I guess so," I mumbled before looking back up at him, "I'm sorry for being a dick,"

"You're not a dick," Ike replied rolling his eyes, "You just underestimate me."

"How?" I asked pouting at him without realising I was doing it.

"Because if you just said 'Stop, too far' I'd stop, I'm not some jerk who'll just turn around and call you frigid or something!" Ike replied kissing me quickly. "Now stop pouting, you're not five,"

"Oi," I protested, "I was not pouting!"

"You so were," Ike said giving me a gentle shove and laughing.

Ike shook his head and grabbed my hand again leading me to his bed. I was a little apprehensive at first but kept in mind that he'd just told me he wasn't going to do anything I wasn't comfortable with so I let myself be dragged down next to him and entwine my fingers with his as he placed gentle kisses on my lips.

We lay about doing nothing but occasionally kissing for the next hour, maybe more, until there was a knock on the door that caused us both to spring up and start tiding our hair and clothes.

"Come in," Ike said when there was another louder knock.

"Mom wants to know what you want for tea, apparently you wouldn't eat last night and she's fussing," Kyle said from the doorway before acknowledging me. "Oh, you have company,"

"He's got a name Kyle," Ike retorted rolling his eyes. "Come on, I better go down," Ike extended his hand to me and I took it cautiously.

I walked into the kitchen feeling like I was about to enter the dragons lair, yeah my normal feeling around Ike's Mom is one of impending doom but who can blame me really. I didn't even have Ike's hand anymore because we couldn't do that in front of his parents.

"Oh you have a friend around!" Shiela seemed as genuinely confused as my mother did when I had anyone other then the other Goths at my house.

"I do have those, y'know," Ike replied rolling his eyes and wondering over to the fridge.

"Ike!" Shiela reprimanded before looking around at her son, "Don't snack you'll ruin your appetite,"

"I'm seeing what food we have," Ike said in an exasperated tone.

I still think the only reason Ike will backchat to Shiela is because she's his mother, if he didn't have to live with her his whole life he'd be just as scared of her as I was.

"I want macaroni," Ike said eventually after rifling through almost all of the kitchen cupboards and the fridge and the freezer.

"Baby you need some vegetables…" Shiela told her son and I almost felt a little sorry for him, I just ate whatever the fuck I wanted because I tended to make my own food a lot.

"I don't want vegetables, I ate salad for lunch," Ike replied petulantly.

"Liar," Kyle muttered under his breath but I don't think either Shiela or Ike noticed because they were too busy bickering over what was going to be cooked for tea.

"She always does this," Kyle told me quietly, "She asks what you want and then tells you that you should want what she wants to feed you,"

"Must get annoying," I replied watching the argument pan out.

Ike eventually won on the grounds that he was going to skip tea a second night in a row if she was going to try and force him to eat falafel when he didn't want to. I didn't even know what falafel was.

Somehow I got invited to stay for tea and then Kenny, Stan and Cartman arrived to hang out with Kyle and the four older boys started a videogame, that involved them getting very into it and swearing at the TV and each other a hell of a lot.

Ike was content enough curling up into one of the big lounge chairs with me and reading a science magazine whilst I read Dracula because it was the only one of Ike's books I could see that interested me.

"I can't believe you guys had a party without me," Cartman bitched after relinquishing his controller to Kyle.

"Not our fault you were on holiday, Fatass," Kyle replied dismissively but Cartman wasn't just going to accept defeat.

"Kenny you're supposed to be my best friend," the large boy complained, "You're not supposed to have parties without me- Is that a hickey?"

"Is what a hickey?" Kenny said suddenly defensively and I remembered what I'd seen at the party.

"That!" Cartman said poking the mark on Kenny's neck. "What girl has low enough standards to sleep with you poorboy?"

"Shut up Cartman," Kyle said as he beat Stan at the game they were playing and Stan let out a loud groan of annoyance.

"Oh was it you then Kyle?" Cartman mocked, "Did you and Kenny have a nice little gay time?"

Ike stiffened beside me and I reached down and squeezed his hand.

Kyle went beet red and glared at Cartman and if looks could kill the large boy would have been dead on the ground. Kenny was looking incredibly uncomfortable and shrinking into the couch cushions.

"Actually it was me!" Stan said in a very put on camp voice whilst throwing his leg across Kenny and dramtically grabbing the smaller boys collar "It was the combination of blonde and orange, I just couldn't help myself!"

"Is that why you fucked Gregory?" Kyle teased his green eyes flashing with amused malice.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Stan cried, mock offended grabbing up a cushion and beating Kyle around the head with it as Kyle laughed and tried to defend himself, "You promised we'd never, ever speak of that ever again!"

I couldn't tell whether the pair of them were joking or not and I didn't actually know who Gregory was in the first place but at least Kenny looked more relaxed now his hickey had been forgotten.

"Ike, it's eleven," Shiela said sticking her head around the lounge door.

"Mom!" Ike whined rolling his eyes.

"Bedtime," Shiela told him sternly. "Have you asked your mother about staying here?" She asked me.

"Yeah we phoned," Ike answered, lying for me. I'd send my mom a text when we got upstairs, she wouldn't mind anyway, she was used to me staying out unexpectedly.

"I can't believe you have a bedtime," I said to Ike he entered his room in pyjamas. I was also wearing a pair of Ike's pyjamas, which I'd had to borrow because I hadn't planned on staying and because I didn't quite feel comfortable being in front of Ike in just my boxers and a t-shirt.

"Shut up," Ike said tackling me backwards onto the bed and kissing me.

* * *

**A/N: **Please don't say "Update soon" I probably won't, I'd estimate you'll be waiting 2-4 weeks. I've had bucket loads to get done and I need a break. Not pressure from here too or I'll cry.


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